Here's how you can finally get over him.Breakups
suck (Bieber and Selena, we feel you.) But lots of times, they're for
the best. (Repeat after us: It's for the best.) Susan Elliot,
relationship counselor and author of Getting Past Your Breakup, and Caryn Beth Rosenthal and Maryjane Fahey, authors Dumped and founders of dumped411.com, have tips on moving on.
By Molly Triffin
1. Go Cold Turkey
Staying in touch with him just keeps you stuck in the past, so at least
in the beginning, break off all contact: Unfriend him, remove his name
from Gchat, and delete him from your phone. If you have friends in
common, take a temporary hiatus from them, too.
2. Travel Somewhere Fabulous
Take a trip to a place that's the total opposite of where you live. So
if you're in the city, head to a yoga retreat or spend the weekend at a
spa in the country; if you're in a small town, party in Austin or Miami
with your bestie. Travel not in your budget right now? At least hang out
in a different part of town. When you're taking in a ton of new
stimulation, you won't have a chance to wallow in the past.
3. Eat More Salad
The iconic post-breakup image is a girl in her sweats with a remote in
one hand and a pint of Ben & Jerry's in the other. But even though
you might feel like scarfing a dish of Cherry Garcia and vegging all
day, you'll move on faster by eating healthy and amping up your workouts
(a natural endorphin booster, btw). It's cheesy but true: When you feel
terrific about how you look on the outside, you'll feel better on the
4. Flaunt Your Body
Ditch the breakup comfort clothes (college sweatshirt, boxer shorts) and
rock outfits that amplify your hotness, like stilettos, a mini, or red
lipstick. Every stare you get equals a confidence jolt. Oh, and even
ifyou're not planning on getting any, wear your sultriest, do-me-now
lace lingerie. Check yourself out in the mirror, and give yourself props
for your sexiest features.
5. Schedule a Massage
Getting pampering puts your focus back on you instead of the
relationship. Plus, getting a facial or pedicure makes you feel and look
6. Fake It 'Til You Make It
Trust us on this one. Even though you're not over him, act like you
are…and it will eventually manifest. Force yourself to go to parties and
flirt with other guys, and one day you'll realize you're not just
pretending to have fun or playing along with the dude hitting on
you-you're legitimately into it.
7. Make Yourself Busy
One of the hardest things about breaking up is no longer having a
permanent buddy to hang out with every night of the week. To fill the
void, make more plans-organize a weekly happy hour with coworkers and
brunch dates with your girls. Take on a new hobby, like wine and
painting classes or volunteering to walk dogs at an animal shelter.
8. …But Also Let Yourself Cry
Leave enough room in your sched for the occasional night when you stay
home and process the loss of your relationship. Give yourself an hour or
two to let it all out, because expressing your grief will help you
heal. Just be sure to end things on a positive note, like enjoying a
bubblebath or chick flick.
9. De-Clutter Your Life
Toss his toiletries, send clothes he left at your place back to him, and
put any gifts or cards he gave you in a box in your closet (decide
later whether you want to keep them; if you purge everything right away,
you might regret it). Beyond ditching his stuff, shed clutter in
general. Clearing out your place helps clear out your mind and make room
for the new.
10. Take Off Your Blinders
Many women either demonize or idolize their ex post-split. But if you
only focus on what an a-hole he was, you'll get bitter. And if all you
can remember is his amazing qualities, no other guy will be able to
measure up. So take a relationship inventory: Make list of your ex's
good and bad traits so you get a complete picture of him. Then remind
yourself that the person you're ultimately supposed to be with is out
there, and the longer you stay entrenched in your ex, the longer it'll
take you to find him.
That's right! Hiring a professional matchmaker can have you back out dating effortlessly with quality men or women. Let him or her help you get over your ex by taking a PROACTIVE step to find LOVE again!
Am I Being Too Picky? Tips for Women
When you have not had a meaningful relationship for a while, it is natural to start wondering why. Have you ever wondered if the man of your dreams may not even exist? Perhaps you are being too picky. Should you lower your standards? Are your expectations realistic?
There are all kinds of wonderful single men out there. Women who complain that there are no worthwhile men to date often have a bad case of Tunnel Vision. While there is no reason to settle for someone you do not like or are not attracted to, a reality check on your expectations may widen your scope of available men.
If your ideal “type”? is a 6 foot tall professional man, would you consider dating a 5’6? janitor if he had a great sense of humor and a lot of common interests?
Are you only willing to date men within a certain age range, ethnicity, religion, height or income bracket? If so, you exclude a huge number of potentially eligible suitors. If you only want to date within a certain age range, expanding that 5 years in each direction can open up your scope immensely.
The bias against dating younger men is nothing new. While the “cougar syndrome”? is becoming more common these days, many women still would not consider dating a younger man. A fit attractive man in his fifties, dating a woman in her thirties is hardly noticeable. Yet turn that equation around and it’s a different story. Some women consider a guy even 3 or 4 years younger than themselves “robbing the cradle”?. Younger men can be great fun, energetic and passionate lovers
While it is natural to have some general preferences, if you can describe your potential mate down to physical traits such as height and eye color, you are being too picky about things that ultimately don’t matter. You can increase your chances of finding a wonderful man by being willing to date all types.
Remember a date is just a date. If you go out with a new guy with the expectation that you will get to know him and have fun, that is an easy goal to achieve. If you go out expecting him to be Mr Right, that is too much pressure for both of you.
Take the pressure off. Try dating some guys that you would never have considered to be your â€œtypeâ€? before. You do not have to marry them, or sleep with them. Just date them. One date does not mean you are exclusive. Let them be themselves without judging them against your “ideal”?. You never know who will surprise you.
If they don’t, fine. What have you really lost? At least it is a chance to practice your dating skills, and perhaps make a new friend.
People tend to attract those that are like themselves or who fill a void in their lives. If you want to know the types of people who will approach you, take a look in the mirror. If you do not like the types of men who are making contact, consider a change of image. If you are attracting slobs, upgrade your wardrobe.
If you are attracting players, your image may be too provocative. It is easy to conclude that there are no good single men. However the types of men that are available to you has everything to do with the image you project.
As a women, it is natural to be somewhat selective. Attraction is important. Otherwise what you have is a platonic friendship. However, Mr. Right can take any physical form. Having a shopping list of physical non-negotiables is a good way to remain alone. Online dating sites are full of single men looking for love.
You will increase your chances of finding Mr. Right if you are not searching for Mr. Perfect. Stay open to new possibilities.
An experienced matchmaker or dating consultant can help you to date in a way that is more efficient and successful in finding your Mr. Right!
We're in love with the idea of love here at MatchBoutique! We love rom-coms, romantic books and the fuzzy feeling of falling in love. You know what else we're also pretty smitten with? A sweet love quote.
Love to love you
Since we also love YOU, we decided to put together a list of some of the most iconic love quotes of all time from books, movies, and celebrities. Be still your hearts, friends!
Love quotes from books / movies
"So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day…" – Ryan Gosling, The Notebook
"No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how." – Gone with the Wind
"My heart is, and always will be, yours." – Sense and Sensibility
"It was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it." – Tom Hanks, Sleepless In Seattle
"Love means never having to say you’re sorry." – Ali MacGraw, Love Story
Photo credit: New Line Cinema via WENN.com
If you must TEXT your date, please read this article beforehand.
The Do's and Don'ts of Texting In Relationships
From Nicole Beland
Don’t guess. If a message is cryptic or vague, wait until you’re face to face with the sender to ask what the heck they were talking about. Texts leave so much to the imagination that it’s easy to let wishful thinking or insecurity take over. When you get a message that makes no sense, respond with “What?! Let’s talk l8tr!” Then stifle your urge to analyze.
Don’t over-abbreviate. You want to be brief in a text message, but stick with terms and symbols that most people know and use. If you try to make up new texting terms on the spot, you’ll end up sending gibberish.
Don’t be a tease. Text-flirting is all fun and games—provided that you’re being honest about your feelings. Verbal flirting is such a blast that it’s easy to get carried away. Over-do the Sex & the City style banter and you run the risk raising someone’s expectations only to hurt his or her feelings or, worse, attract an unwanted admirer.
Don’t text angry. Sure, you can express general frustration with a ‘Grrrr…” or a “Humph” or an “Ugh,” but pick up the phone to hash things out. Attempt to resolve a volatile situation in 25-character bursts and you’ll create a hot mess that will be hell to clean up.
Don’t be rude or break bad news.Breaking up via text may be efficient, but it isn’t classy—and in a hyper-connected culture, a bad reputation can spread fast. Any type of textual bad behavior is likely to get around.
Do text sweet nothings. With today’s crazed schedules, it can be hard to pick up the phone or even send an email. A short text like “Hey, qt,” or “Hope ur havin a gr8 day, ” can make your significant other suddenly happier to see you when you get home. 52% of texters surveyed said they’d rather receive a “Thinking of You” message than any other kind.
Do text long-distance. According to the AT&T survey, 15% of daters in long-distance relationships send texts more often than they email or call. Texting can create a surprising sense of connection because it’s so immediate—you can send messages the second they pop into your mind. Even though you’re miles away, your partner feels right there.
Do text before a first date. 34% of people surveyed agree that they’d feel more comfortable on a first date if they had exchanged texts beforehand. Keep pre-date communication light and fun. Ask about his or her favorite bands, movies, and places to hang out, then use the info to kickstart conversation when you’re sitting across the table.
Do respond ASAP. Most people are never far from their cell phone, so if you don’t reply within an hour or so, the other person will assume they’re being ignored. As a matter of fact, the biggest texting turn-off according to the AT&T survey was a slow response. If you don’t have time to answer, reply with something like “Stuck in mtg. Will hit you soon!” If you can’t even do that, be sure to add “Sorry! Just got this,” when you finally do text him or her back.
Happy New Year! Now get busy and find the love of your life!
Join MatchBoutique to enjoy personalized matching, private singles mixers, public singles events, speed dating, travel and more!
So the other day I was talking to my mechanic who is single, age 50 hard working blue collar guy...he mentioned that he no longer goes out to find someone because of his budget!! So I googled a bunch of advice and came across this post shared by Dating Scene Contributor, Ron Z. I thought it to be fairly relative and eloquently written.
Meeting people can be a real challenge, especially in our fast-paced society. Looking for Mr. (or Mrs.) Right instead of Mr. Right Now can be extremely challenging. Before you become overwhelmed with frustration and decide to commit to a nunnery, try a few simple ideas first.
Get out of the house and look for events and activities that interest you. Ladies, do not look for a date at a drag strip unless you actually like NASCAR. Men, do not look for a date in a cooking class unless you fully intend on using some of those skills that you will be learning. Seek out places that match your interests – trying to change yourself can really backfire.
Many communities have health clubs for fitness fanatics or book clubs for avid readers. Find your niche. Local colleges and universities will often offer extended learning courses or free seminars. If you find one that interests you, don’t be afraid to go alone. It’s like a two-for-one –you may learn something and meet someone new!
As cliché as it may sound, try meeting people in church. Even if there does not appear to be any singles, little church-going older women are always looking for that special someone for their grandsons, nieces, etc. Never underestimate “word-of-mouth.” Who hasn’t been set up with a single friend of so and so? Maybe blind dates simply aren’t your thing- but at least you will be putting yourself out there!
Another great way to meet people is to place personal ads. These can be placed online or in newspapers. However, be careful. If you feel like you need to throw up a red flag, do so. That’s one of the joys of not knowing who you are meeting- they aren’t sure who may be standing them up.
Numerous websites feature chat rooms, personal ads, and individual photos of other members to help you find a date. Explore and browse but be careful. The computer may help you meet people but it can also provide a faceless chatroom conversation. It may be better to get outside your home, meet people, and have fun.
Notice that bars and nightclubs have not been mentioned. If you pick up a woman (or man) in a bar, what you see is entirely what you will end up with. Remember, they may not be there to find Mr. Right. That attractive girl at the end of the bar may only be looking for Mr. Right Now.
Be open to new possibilities but don’t pretend to be something that you are not. Enjoy who you are and maybe someone else will to.
Holiday Dating...THE PERFECT time to take a proactive step in your dating life!! GET out to see and be seen this holiday season!
Think about it: the Christmas holidays are when people are out and about, dressed up and ready to mingle. Your challenge is getting yourself into situations/being available to meet them. All year long, people complain about not wanting to meet men in bars, not getting set up, not having parties to go to.
And now, think about your December calendar. Many of you have weekends that are double and triple booked with parties – hosted by friends, colleagues or family members. Keeping in mind that 1/3 of married people were introduced by family or friends, what should you do when you’re invited to a party? Say yes to everything (or as many as you can humanly handle). Enter with your flirty, friendly, approachable face (smiling, eye contact), and have some icebreaker questions in your pocket ready to fire out at the cute boy by the fondue fountain
Ever wonder if it really matters when you break a date by telling a not-so-little white lie? Or whether it’s all that bad to bash your ex — or secretly date more than one person? Let’s take a closer look, and begin by considering what’s on your dating conscience. Even if no one else knows the truth, you do — and so does your karma.
Karma is a spiritual principle that is like Newton’s 3rd Law of Physics: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In other words, if you’re good, honest, kind and true, you probably have great dating karma and nothing to complain about. But if you’re like many of us, you could do better in the dating behavior department — and your actions may be beckoning a bad boomerang response.
As an astro-coach and the author of 12 books, I’ve found there are ways to create great dating karma and avoid the bad stuff. Specifically, follow these five rules to make sure that, when it comes to your romantic life, what goes around comes around... and that it’s all good stuff.
Dating Karma Rule #1: Quit complaining about your love life The universe brings together people who belong together, says Julie Winter, a New York-based spiritual teacher and healer. In other words, just because you are single right now doesn’t mean you have somehow missed the love of your life, nor should you worry this will happen. Trust that the universe will introduce you to your match, and your sense of calm and confidence may very well bring that person out of the woodwork.
How to do it:
Do not join in the chorus when friends bellyache that “There’s no one out there” or “Everyone is already taken.” Wallowing only keeps you from noticing the possibilities around you.
Follow your whims when it comes to dating — your instincts are stronger than your brain. Stay home on a Saturday if you want to stay home. Make small talk with that cute stranger in line at the grocery store. Karma will guide your intuition on your path to love.
Dating Karma Rule #2: Be really, really honest San Mateo-based couples counselor Susan Strong says that good dating karma is all about telling the truth — to yourself and others. “Even though it can be really hard, you have to be totally upfront,” she says. “And if that relationship doesn’t work out, you leave with your integrity and clean karma. You have nothing to regret.”
How to do it:
Instead of pretending to love raw oysters, polka music, or Sumo wrestling, or whatever else your date may be passionate about, just take a deep breath and confess you’re not that into it. Even if you think you sound negative, the vibes you’re putting out are positive because you’re being your genuine self. The person you’re out with will get to know the real you versus a persona.
If you’re faced with an awkward question about your past or a too personal issue, it’s better to say “I’d rather not talk about it” than to lie. Besides, mystery breeds intrigue.
Dating Karma Rule #3: Put your past where it belongs An unforgiving heart is the number one blockage to true love. Sure, we’ve all been hurt. Yet you only keep the pain alive if you harbor grudges or cling to bad memories. The key to letting go of the past is to forgive the person who hurt you and then to forgive yourself for your role in the relationship. It sure can be tough, but your future depends on it.
How to do it:
Stop beating yourself up about past bad choices by saying to yourself, “There is nothing wrong with taking chance on love.” All relationships require risk-taking.
Erase bad memories by changing yourself or your surroundings: Get a haircut. Take up a new hobby that will bring you into contact with other single people. Visit a new place on your next date, not old haunts. This will make it easier to keep old pain from coloring your future.
Dating Karma Rule #4: Play matchmaker Sharing and connecting love links is great karma. So don’t be shy about setting up your friends — or past lovers. Even if those you set up don’t work out, that’s OK. By creating opportunities for others to love, you energetically create them for yourself.
How to do it:
Set up a great-but-not-right-for-you date with one of your friends. Regardless of whether they hit it off, they will appreciate your effort — and one or both of them may return the favor.
Host a party where your exes, platonic friends, and the exes and platonic friends of your pals all get to mingle.
Dating Karma Rule #5: Resist the urge to gossip You know how easy it is to send a snarky email about a bad date or to pass around a juicy tidbit about someone’s boyfriend. But guess what? Bad karma. Remember, if you pass along negativity, you’ll get it back. Not only may the object of your derision hear how the news got around (you), but gossips rarely get much sympathy from others. Keep things hush-hush about other people’s private lives, and they will be more apt to do you the same courtesy.
How to do it:
If you’re dying to dish on something you shouldn’t, try writing down your thoughts and burning the paper afterward. Fire purifies and takes the edge off the need to use a bullhorn in public.
When you break the rule (and let’s face it, for most of us, it’s not “if” but “when”), offset it by saying something understanding, or compassionate. And “I know he can’t help being a complete moron” doesn’t count. Try, “I guess I need to figure out why he would react in such a strong way.” In that way, you’re opening the door to seeing the other person’s viewpoint, rather than just exclaiming over their behavior.
Matchmaking: Personal Your Personal Matchmaker Twelve Attributes for Choosing a Good Matchmaking Service By DH Owens
1. The same person interviews and matches the entire membership. In a matchmaking service, this is of prime importance.
How can someone who does not know you even begin to match you with another person?
They can't. No one can match you successfully who has not interviewed you. No one can match your potential partner without knowing him/her. A matchmaker must know all members to do a good job.
Consequently, a good matchmaking service will probably be a small company rather than a large company or a franchise operation.
2. 1. Published prices in all but the smallest advertisements. If prices are not published, look for a company that will give prices willingly over the phone. If you are unable to get prices by phone, or told such things as "it depends" or prices vary," prepare yourself for some extreme sales pressure and high prices. It is likely to happen.
3. A company without large numbers of employees. Commissions or salaries paid to employees are passed along to you. A small matchmaking firm can be handled by one or two employees other than the matchmaker. When you walk into a firm and see multiple employees, be sure you will be paying their salary in your membership fee.
4. A company without telemarketers. Think about it: if you are contacted by a telemarketer, who will pay that fee or commission? The person who joins that service, of course. Who will pay the telemarketer to call thousands of people who do not join the service? Again, the person who joins the service will pay a fee that includes a built-in payment for the telemarketer.
5. A company without an extensive campaign to recruit members by postal mailings. Many large and expensive firms use a mailing campaign to recruits members. It is usually sent to everyone in a particular zip code. Bulk rate mail costs money. You will pay for that campaign in your membership fee.
6. A service that does NOT sell (or even offer) long-term memberships. Think about it... do you want to date someone who has been in the service for two years or longer?
7. A membership with a majority of members who are people like you. Birds of your feather so to speak.
8. A membership kept balanced for age and gender.
Population of Singles: Age: There are more singles in their 20s than 30s; more in their 30s than 40s, more in their 40s than 50s.
Gender: There are more single men in their 20s than singles women. By late 30s, this is about even. Then, gradually, there are more single women than men in the singles' population.
The membership of most singles services mirrors the population. Keeping that membership balanced may require offering special prices or incentives to a certain age group or gender. This is a good thing.
9. A matchmaker with good training and/or experience.
10. A company that allows your membership to be put inactive. When you meet a potentially special person, you will want to go inactive while exploring the relationship. Ask if the company has an inactive feature. You don't want to be forced to take your membership in consecutive months or periods of time.
11. A service which does not require you to keep coming back in the office--unless you have lots of time to spare!
12. Last, but certainly not least, a matchmaker who makes you feel comfortable!!
Good luck in your quest for a life of love with a special person!
First date coming up? No worries these tips will get you through it with ease and confidence
So your going on your first date with that man that just drives you crazy your so attracted to him, you just want the night go perfect without any mistakes.
First dates can be so harsh all the pressure of getting to know the other person wondering the whole time if their may be food in my teeth or does he like me? Is what i picked to wear sexy enough maybe it's to sexy.
The best way to make him 100% ask you out again after the first date is to number (1) Relax and enjoy yourself.
If you seem relaxed and happy he will be relaxed and happy, men just wan't to make you feel good and happy, If he sees that he is doing a good job at making you happy and your enjoying yourself you have already done more than most woman to do on first dates.
One of the most important things a woman could do on a first date with a man, is show total interest in him and what he likes.
For instance don't talk about how great your girl friend Becky is and how you two have been friends since you were kids, a man will be glad to listen about you but men like talking about them self's and what they have accomplished at work or in their life's.
A man finds it attracting and endearing when a woman finds what he is doing or what he has to say to interesting,something inside of a man just lights up and he really likes you for allowing him to open up to you about his passion.
Ladies, for a successful first date just listen be open to what he is in to you and stay interested this will truly get you a second date.
When someone loses a spouse through death or divorce, that loss can be devastating. A period of mourning follows, even in the case of divorce, because of not fulfilling the dreams they had for the relationship. However there comes a time when life has to begin again, and many singles feel lost in making this transition.
Time Required: Minimum of one year
Get to know yourself.
When a couple has been together for a while, the choices they make on where to have dinner, how to decorate their home, their personal choice in clothing, or other decisions are usually made together. After a divorce, each person may not know his or her own likes and dislikes. Take some time to try new things. Learn your favorite foods, what hobbies you enjoy, where you like to go for dining or entertainment. This can be a time of experimentation and can be enjoyable. You will find that many of the things you’ve always done may not have been your own personal choice.
Give yourself time.
Therapists recommend a minimum of one year after a divorce to get grounded as a person and avoid rebound relationships. A year is only a guideline. Some people may need longer in order to feel they have gotten themselves grounded. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush things. Rebound relationships are not fair to either party.
Join some groups or clubs that interest you.
Many newly single people join a divorce recovery group and that is the first interaction they have with others as a single person. It can be helpful to find a group you can be a part of, whether it’s a writer’s group, bird watching, book club, or whatever you like. Getting out there and getting involved will help you move forward in your life.
Make new friends and develop a support system.
Some of your married friends may not feel comfortable socializing with a single person, especially if they are also friends with your spouse. You may find you have more in common with other singles, so seek out people that have common interests. This may be the time to strengthen relationships with your biological family. Having someone to talk to during this transition can make it much easier to cope.
Life is different single but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and fulfilling. More and more people today choose to remain single, and really enjoy the single lifestyle. They list advantages such as not having to ask someone how to spend their money, eating whenever they feel like it and not on someone else’s schedule, and not having to share a bathroom! Think of the good things that being single has done for you. Take time to enjoy yourself and laugh often. Laughter really is good medicine.
When you feel you are ready to date, take it slow and easy.
Single people often complain that dating has changed and they don’t know the new rules. The only rules are to do what feels comfortable for you. You don’t have to conform for anyone. Be yourself and be true to yourself.
By easing through the transition from being half of a couple to being single, you give yourself time to make a life that is happy and fulfilling. Be patient with yourself and you just might find you like being single!
WELCOME to 2012!
I would just like to tell you what our stats were in 2011! MatchBoutique Head Matchmaker, Shelley boasts an 87% success rate with regards to matches! Now, let me tell you, these are REAL figures and based off of matches made which resulted in a 2nd date or relationship!
We have added a brand new component to our repertoire. We now host several singles events in and around the south and southwest suburbs~ They have been so much fun that we have been asked by our members if we would plan their weddings!!! It has been a really exciting year for us, and we continue to offer the very best in PERSONALIZED OFFLINE Matchmaking and Singles Introduction Services. Thank you and Congratulations to all of our Clients, Daters, and Members. We look forward to finding LOVE for you in 2012.
New Years Dating Resolutions
The New Year is traditionally a time to self-evaluate and recommit to good habits. Why not commit to the health of your love life at the same time? Get inspired now.
By Margot Carmichael Lester
Ah, the New Year. It reeks of opportunity, doesn't it? This year, I'll get in shape. I'll call Mom more. I'll actually take a vacation. And what are you planning to do this year about finding the love you want?
If a relationship's on your list of things to do in 2012, then check out these resolutions for some inspiration to craft your own.
Resolution #1: Start living in the future "Stop basing the potential relationship of your future to your relationships of the past," says Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos. "We have all suffered our fair share of losers, liars, dimwits and so on. So laugh and let them go. Open your mind to the possibilities of your future and don't automatically condemn someone new based on your past experiences."
Another good idea: Write the names of those painful exes on strips of paper and burn them on New Year's Eve. It's a powerful and harmless gesture that can help you start 2012 with a clean slate.
Resolution #2: End unhealthy relationships If you're too emotionally drained from hanging out with toxic friends, or mired in a relationship that's going nowhere, resolve to get out. That's the plan for Charlotte Millot of Gotham, N.Y. "I have resolved to end any relationships that are not healthy, supportive, or functional," she says.
She also resolves to stop looking. What? "The relationships that have been the most meaningful were not found," she explains. "They happened. I tend to be living life, enjoying myself, then one day I was hit over the head by someone I simply had to be with, who had to be with me. Our hearts do the dance and take it from there."
Resolution #3: Get back in the game Seems obvious, but it bears repeating. If you're suffering from a broken heart, the best way to mend it is to get out there and date. That's what MaryAnn Lowry is doing — after the end of her 31-year marriage. "I had my last official date in 1975. I never forgot how to ride a bike, so using hypothetical reasoning, it can be assumed that I didn't forget how to behave on a date and earn a nice kiss on the lips by the end of the evening."
Resolution #4: Go out more You're not going to meet your dream date sitting at home — cute mail carriers and pizza-delivery people aside. So go where the boys and girls are. "I'm resolving to go out with my friends during the week more, so we can maybe meet some people we wouldn't see out on the weekend," says Davie Alexander of Chicago.
Another good idea: Sign up for online dating and get networked with millions of other single people you wouldn't otherwise meet. Yet another: Go out and sit at a bar or cafe. The bartender or barista will keep you company and, if you ask, might introduce you to other single patrons. One more: Join a friendly local sports league or sign up for a volunteer activity.
Resolution #5: Ditch the bad self-talk and deadline pressure If this isn't your first time ringing in the New Year single, you might be getting a little panicky about finding love. "It's so easy to feed into these self-destructive patterns, but it affords us an opportunity for self-reflection, introspection and getting in touch with ourselves in a real way," says Doree Lewak, author of The Panic Years.
"Give yourself a break and ease up on yourself. It's bad enough when we have to contend with external pressures — to marry, to bring that special someone home to Mom and Dad for the holidays — but to add internal pressure is downright cruel. The less we think (and obsess) about our marriage timeline, the more we'll let our relationships breathe naturally. And only then can we enable ourselves and our relationships to progress in a real way."
Resolution # 6: Consider hiring a Professional! The matchmaking and singles industry has become far more mainstream and socially accepted in recent years with the airing of TV shows, like Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker, VH1's Tough Love and numerous other dating shows. A professional matchmaker can assist you with every aspect of your dating life, from style consulting to conversational development, esteem building, filling your social calendar, etc.
Now that you have read all of these resolutions, it is time for you to make some of your own! Feel Free to contact MatchBoutique for a free assessment!
Holiday Dating Tips from Dr. Helen Fisher
The holidays are full of opportunities for romance, but at the same time can be rife with romantic pitfalls as well. Here's how to make your holiday dates successful…
To help make your holiday dating a success, Chemistry.com's scientific advisor Dr. Helen Fisher offers the following tips:
1. Family and romance don't always mix. Be careful about including him or her in family holiday activities.
2. Curb your generosity when buying your date presents or she/he may think you are more serious than you really are.
3. Do something “different” with your date like a carriage ride, skating, sledding or driving around to see outdoor Christmas lights. Unique activities drive up dopamine in the brain and can stimulate romance.
4. Holding hands with your date can affect oxytocin levels in the brain and increase feelings of trust and attachment.
5. At holiday parties, introduce your date to your friends, explain who people are, how you know them, and then continually include your date in your conversations.
6. There is a fine line between bragging and telling your date about yourself.
7. If you are drinking alcohol, be aware of how much you are drinking during your date.
8. Don't listen to everything your friends and family say about your date. You're dating this person, not them.
9. Be on time or call your date and let them know you are running late.
10. If you have the holiday blues, try not to let it affect your date or consider waiting to date until after the holidays.
15 Icebreakers for a First Date (& 5 Topics to Avoid)
First dates can be painfully awkward. Ironically, it seems as though the more compatible a couple is, the more awkward the first date can be, as neither party wants to be the one to “mess it up.” While the most important thing to do is let the flow of conversation dictate what you talk about next, it can be a good idea to stockpile a few talking points, just in case you stumble upon an awkward lull.
THE “YOU” CATEGORY
It is always a good idea to ask people about themselves. It is everyone’s favorite topic, and the easiest one to discuss. The following all fall under the “questions/statements about you” category.
1. You look nice
Most people refrain from saying this most basic and fulfilling compliment for fear that it will sound too heavy-handed or forced. However, stating the obvious is a must for those who have never stated it before. It is simple, complimentary, usually true, and reassures the other party that their hard work has not gone unnoticed.
2. Let’s talk about your job
Everybody has one, and if they don’t, it is a good idea to find out why. Asking about a job can be enlightening on several levels. By asking this seemingly surface question, you can find out exactly how successful and ambitious he is, or lazy and unmotivated.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Be sure to decipher the difference between somebody who is comfortable in a mediocre job, and somebody who is ambitiously trying to climb up from their low-paying job. Just because someone may be behind the curve now doesn’t mean they won’t be setting the curve in five years. Being able to tell the difference can be an invaluable skill in choosing a life partner.
3. What’s your favorite TV show/movie/book?
Finding out these vital facts can help you to imagine whether or not you could spend a comfortable night at home on the couch with this person, or whether or not you’ll have to take turns sharing the DVR. While nothing from this category should be a deal breaker, finding out what the other person enjoys watching should add some insight as to the depth of their character.
4. What kind of music do you listen to?
For whatever reason, music seems to connect people on a far more powerful level than any other media. Even drastic differences in music style preferences can be overcome if two people share the same passion for music. While differences of music opinion won’t necessarily drive two people apart, similarities in music taste will almost always bring two people together.
5. What are your life goals?
Life goals encompass the maximum achievements in career, family, and hobbies and give a pretty decent insight as to where a person’s priorities lie. Life goals are the end game in compatibility, and therefore similar goals (or goals that sound appealing to you) are absolutely vital.
6. Would you rather?
This drinking/party/sleepover game can be fun for adults looking to find out a little more about each other, without the pressure of mechanically exchanging questions. Finding out if someone would rather be rich or have the ability to fly may not seem like pertinent information, but the bonding experience can be invaluable.
7. How do you think it’s going?
Ironically, this question can only be asked when you already know the answer. And it should only be asked to convey the fact that you’re having as good of a time as they seem to be having. If those conditions apply, asking this question is a gem of a flirt that could lock up a second date before the first one has even ended.
THE “ME” CATEGORY
Talking about you is something that should generally be kept to a minimum. However, since it is a first date, the other person wants to hear as much about you as you want to hear about them. By using these starter statements, you can easily draw a question or two about yourself without sounding like an egocentric maniac.
1. I heard about this place
Remember, a broad statement can be enough to produce ten minutes worth of material. By simply stating that a friend spoke highly of whatever restaurant you are enjoying, you now can talk about this restaurant, all restaurants, and the fact that you have a friend.
2. It’s nice to be out
Stressed from work? Lonely at home? Finally losing that secret baby weight? Whatever the reason, this statement reassures the other person that you are having a good time, but that you also have other things going on in your world.
3. There are other things going on in my world!
While it is important to not sound too cynical or snarky, everyone loves a little bit of a venting session. Getting some life stresses off your chest will not only make you feel more relaxed, it will also make you (and your date) feel much more comfortable and acquainted in a hurry. Adding familiarity to a relationship where there is none makes the rest of the night sail smoothly.
4. I’m kind of a big fan of…
As long as the next words out of your mouth aren’t something sex related or “Justin Bieber,” you’ll be fine. Chances are good everybody has one thing they really love, and it’s a good idea to talk about it just a bit on the first date. That said, be careful not to dominate the rest of the night talking about your stamp collection.
5. I don’t really like it when…
Pet peeves are perfectly fair game for first date chitchat. Be careful not to confuse pet peeves with deep-seeded political issues however, as differences in political and religious opinion should be sorted out later. Serious hot-button topics are best shared on second and third dates. Remember, this is the audition, not the callback. Talk about slow drivers and fashion trends, not Barrack Obama and health care.
6. I have a job. Here are my thoughts…
Just as you need to hear about the other person’s career status, goals and ambitions, sharing your own is a vital part of the first date. Remember, this is your opportunity to tell your side of the story, so be honest. Whether you love, hate, don’t need, can’t find, or just quit a job, this is your opportunity to explain why, and outline where you see yourself in three years.
7. Did you know?
J.C. Penny used to take all of his potential hires out to dinner, and if they salted their food before tasting it, they would never get the job. He viewed this as applying a solution to a problem before confirming that there was a problem. Maybe it was Montgomery Ward. And maybe it wasn’t true. Either way, don’t be afraid to bust out some random trivial pursuit skills when needed, to show that you’re (somewhat) intelligent and well-read.
8. I’m having fun Reassuring the other person that the date is going well is the easiest way to lower defenses, relax tension and get to a comfortable place in a hurry. Of course, if you are not having fun, then it is probably a good idea to replace this statement with any one from the final category.
THE “NEVER” CATEGORY
There are some fast and easy ways to torpedo a first date without even trying. Busting out any of these gems is a one-way ticket to awkward-town, and therefore should be avoided at all costs.
1. Blah blah blah MY EX blah blah blah…
DO. NOT. TALK. ABOUT. YOUR. EX. In any capacity. Ever. Do not say how much they suck, or how much you are over them, or how much they would lose their mind if they could see you right now, because no matter what you are saying, all the other person hears is “I’m still thinking about my ex.” If you are still thinking about your ex in a manner that simply HAS to be expressed, kindly excuse yourself and text your thoughts to your best friend from the bathroom. Otherwise keep it to yourself.
2. I think this might be something special…
So assuming you are not thinking about your ex, and assuming the date is going phenomenally well, it is important to resist the urge to say anything more than “I had a great time tonight.” Pouring it on too fast could turn a fun, low-pressure evening into a high-intensity booby trap situation that makes the other person run as fast as they can. Once again, discretion is key, and once again, this is why God (or possibly Snooki) invented the best friend bathroom text.
3. Do you want to be a part of the following plans?
Making solid plans for a second date before the end of the first one has ended is risky, but can be done if done properly. Inviting the date to a party, two concerts, and a wedding is NOT how it is done properly. Trust that the person is not going anywhere, and that you can make plans together as you go along. Once again, too much commitment too fast can be a terrifying thing, even from someone who likes you.
4. I have a whole bunch of crazy I’m working through
Avoid telling stories about the time you followed a girlfriend home to prove she was cheating on you, or how you found some girl’s number in your boyfriend’s phone and proceeded to smash it with a hammer. Even stories about college pranks, drunken nights, or public dares are better left unsaid. These are stories for when you have proven yourself logical and sane, not for when you are still informing others of your dominant traits.
5. You know, we might have sex one day…
Although the perfect set-up for a cheesy line or sexual reference may present itself, choose to be classy. Even if you think it is in good-natured fun, men run the risk of looking like perverts and women run the risk of looking like tramps. Everybody knows what might or might not happen later that night, week, or month. Calling attention to it only minimizes the chances of it ever happening.
Although a first date can be a stressful and trying experience, it is important to remember that a successful first date does not end in fireworks, symphonies, or wedding bells; a successful first date only gets you to the second one. When people stop endowing first dates with the pressure and importance of the next 50 years, they find it remarkably easy to sit back, relax, and enjoy the company of somebody else. Doing this makes dates more enjoyable, stress-free, and successful.
1. Do try to always look your best and be punctual. Showing up late or looking messy gives the impression that you don't care -- and, if that's the case, why go out with this person in the first place?
2. Do try to enjoy yourself on dates. Yes, finding your soul mate is serious business, and it can sometimes even be a scary endeavor, but keep in mind that this is supposed to be fun.
3. Do compliment your date on how he or she looks. Men and women tend to put a lot of effort into getting ready for a date, and it's nice (and flattering) to hear that all that energy paid off.
4. Do be interested and interesting. Ask questions, share insights and pay attention when your date is telling you what they like to do, read, watch, listen to, etc.
5. Do tell someone directly if you're not interested in seeing them again. Lying and stringing people along simply because you're too scared to tell them the truth is selfish and hurtful. If you don't want to go on another date with someone, let them down as gently -- but firmly -- as possible.
6. Do date only people you're attracted to, no matter what your friends say. Approval by your peers doesn't prove a thing.
7. Do stay positive, even when dates don't end well. It is most certainly true that you will date a few frogs before you find a prince. Along the way, you will probably meet some pretty nice people.
8. Do plan ahead. Dating is a creative diversion that requires concentration and energy, so make arrangements ahead of time and let your date know you put some thought into the evening.
9. Do be proactive about finding people to date. The man or woman you've been searching for your whole life is probably not going to come ring your doorbell and beg you to go to dinner anytime soon. Dating requires action, so get out there and meet as many people as you can.
10. Do surround yourself with positive, like-minded people who are dating, too. Part of the fun of dating is celebrating, comparing notes and commiserating with your friends. Surround yourself with positive people who are rooting for you to succeed at love and will be there for you if/when you need emotional support.
Dating Rules -- Don'ts To Be Continued...check back tomorrow night for part two!
Top 10 Countdown...Foods you should NEVER attempt to eat on a first date! MatchBoutique found this article by Matt Smith and we enjoyed it so much, we thought we should share!
10. Spaghetti Yes, we all saw Lady and the Tramp, but that was a cartoon and they were dogs. In the real world, spaghetti is a romantic deal killer. There's nothing remotely sexy about watching you Hoover up wayward strands of pasta or listening to the constant screech of your fork against spoon or plate. And by the end of the meal, that hot outfit you're wearing is guaranteed to be splattered with flecks of tomato-basil sauce. You still want pasta? Order the ravioli.
9. Soup No matter how delicious, it's a dating disaster. Like spaghetti, it's impossible to eat gracefully: the slurping, the backsplash. Good lord, if you want to make a fool of yourself just stick the flatware up your nose and be done with it. When your server asks, "Soup or salad?" the answer is salad. Always.
8. Veal There's nothing difficult or embarrassing about eating veal. The problem is it's made from calves raised in crates the size of a shoebox. Depending on the politics of your date, ordering that osso buco is basically like saying, "I believe in torturing baby farm animals." It's a conversation starter, sure. But not a conversation you want to have.
7. Garlic Here's a surefire way to guarantee your date ends in a handshake instead of a kiss: Order the garlic shrimp. Or the garlic bread. Or the pizza with garlic. Ain't no amount of furtive breath mints gonna mask your stanky breath. Not tonight, and probably not till Tuesday.
6. Watermelon, corn on the cob Admittedly these don't come up much on first dates. But if you're getting together at a picnic or a friend's backyard barbecue, better keep these off the list. In the history of the world no one has eaten a watermelon without looking like a slobbering goof. And if you're looking to impress a date, avoid food that requires you to slide your face across a buttered surface and is guaranteed to lodge kernels so deep into your teeth you can't remove them with hydraulic tools.
5. Ice cream cone A refreshing little cone of Double Chocolate Oreo Mint might seem adorably romantic on a summer day, but it's a disastrous idea for three reasons. First, your date will be judging you from the get-go (Does plain strawberry mean she's too conservative? Does bubble gum prove he's immature?). Second, the minute you step outside, the laws of thermodynamics become your implacable enemy, and your rapidly melting Raspberry Mocha Swirl turns you into a frantically licking moron. Which brings us to reason three: On any first date, avoid foods you have to lick. No guy needs that kind of pressure. No woman wants that kind of attention.
4. Spinach dip, tabbouleh, pesto sauce You say you've climbed the highest peaks on five continents? You recently returned from rebuilding Haiti? You just sold the film rights to your novel? Doesn't matter. You have a little green leaf stuck between your teeth. You're a doofus.
2. Barbecue, chicken wings, fried chicken No hands food! You may love a good plate of ribs or buffalo wings, but by the time you're finished you'll look like a 3-year-old in a high chair. You could try using a knife and fork, but then you'll just look like a priss. No. Hell no.
1. Mexican, Indian, Szechuan, Thai food What? This is nuts, you say. Whole categories of dining off limits? But think for a minute: What do all these foods have in common? Spice. And what does spice lead to? Come on, we've all been there: You're out with someone you like and respect, eating Thai food just the way you like it--hot and spicy--when all of a sudden you're seized with dread, and you realize: It's begun. A slow rivulet of snot is inexorably descending from your left nostril. It doesn't matter if you catch it in time. More will follow. Rivers. Gushers. Your nose has become the Deepwater Horizon of mucus, and no napkin on earth can help you now. You start snorting like a hog. You pray your date will look away so you can wipe your sleeve. Please! you beg to the patron saint of dating nightmares. Just look away! Nice going, Romeo. You'd have been better off with the veal.
9/28/11....Well September has FLOWN by and we are approaching another Chicago Winter! MatchBoutique wants to help you find someone to snuggle with, maybe by the fire and fight together through the COLD! Here are some ICE BREAKER Questions to help you get to know someone on a first date!
1. If you were a comic strip character, cartoon character or superhero, who would you be and why?
2. What do you remember about your high school prom?
3. What Singer can you not stand the sound of?
4. What one possession should you probably throw away, but probably never will?
5. Are you right handed or left?
6. Favorite Holiday and Season?
7. Have you ever been skinny dipping or streaking? (mb favorite)
8. Favorite flavor of ice cream?
9. Favorite Tv programs? As a child?
10. Free ticket to anywhere...where would you go?
Stay tuned for more ice breaker questions as we head into Winter!
Be attentive to your date. When faced with the dilemma of whether to bare all or listen attentively, many singles prefer to listen. Lori is a 22-year-old college student who feels she's nailed the role of "listener". "If you listen to your date, they think you're interesting even though you haven't actually said anything. Just keep asking questions and they'll think you're brilliant and fascinating."
Maintain eye contact. Just make sure it's not too intense. Remember, you aren't a hawk eyeing it's prey.
Plan your date out ahead of time. Avoid falling into the vicious cycle of saying, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" Decide on something and do it. Be open to other suggestions if your plans don't work out.
Meet in a public place on your first date. Not only is this a safe idea, it also allows for distractions should conversation lag. Rick, 24, agrees: "Leave the one-on romantic dates for when you really feel you are into a person."
Offer to split the bill. The issue of "who pays" is probably one of the largest sources of confusion for singles. Most people today feel that the bill is the responsibility of the party that asked for the date. That said, it is courteous to offer to "go Dutch" and you should always be prepared to split the costs. If your date does pick up the tab, offer to pay the next time.
Act chivalrous. Men, the women's liberation movement may have provided women with the means to financial independence and positions of power, but this does not mean that she no longer appreciates those little things that make you a gentlemen. Open doors for your date, pull out her chair for her, make sure she gets home safely. These are the things that make a good impression. Sarah, 31, believes: "If used correctly, chivalry is the charm of all charms; if overused, it seems like machismo."
Follow up with your date. Call or email your date to let them know you had a good time. This doesn't have to be a plea to see them again right away. It's simply a courtesy. If your date had an enjoyable time too, this will be icing on the cake!
Crack jokes. Not only will this put your date at ease, it will show them you have a sense of humor.
Discuss heavier topics. Let's face it, some people SHOULD stick to small talk, but if you're informed on a topic, go ahead and discuss it. If you find some topics appropriate and your date finds them taboo, it may be better to realize this early on.
Top 1st Date Mistakes that will kill your chances for a 2nd! (Quoted from Pre-Dating Newsletter)
1. Not Waiting until your Date is Served before you Start Eating Yours. Even if you haven't eaten before your dinner date, just because your burger came out piping hot before your date's sizzling steak, doesn't give you permission to dig in while she watches and wait. You might opt to order an appetizer to stave off your own hunger. This way you two can share something together and have something to talk about. Hopefully, your parents taught you good manners when it comes to dining.
2. Emailing or Texting on Date Night Excuse me, should we reschedule this date? Unless you want to show your date some pictures from a recent trip or fun outing or something that pertains to your conversation, leave your Smartphone tucked away (especially on the first date).
3. Ordering the Wrong Thing (or Nothing at All) You've been asked out on a date...for dinner. So, it makes sense you'll be ordering something to eat during the date. Choosing a side dish of steamed vegetables or a side salad doesn't count (unless you're sharing a HUGE cut of Steak or Lobster)(nor does skipping right to the dessert menu because you need to satisfy your sweet tooth). And, don't think about pulling out the 'But, I'm not hungry!' card.
4. Being Weird About Sharing If you and your date have different tastes, that's one thing, but a fear of sharing a Steak? This is a major deal breaker for comedian Aziz Ansari. I mean, aren't you dating to find someone you actually want to share a bunch of small plates with (or feed a bite of your entrée to)? It's also black or white for one TDM editor, "if you're not into sharing, then I'm not into dating you."
5. Going 'Dutch' on the First Date If there is one line that is sure to send your date packing, it's "Don't worry, you can pay me back later." What, did you forget that it was YOU who asked out the other person? The best rule of thumb is to know the difference between 'hanging out' and a date. Be prepared before you order or discuss the basic details before you venture out; which leads us to:
6. Ordering the Most Expensive Thing(s) on the Menu Just because you won't be incurring the cost of dinner, doesn't give you permission to order the $60 surf/turf entrée with black truffles and then take two bites (unless you're looking for a sugar momma/daddy - willing to pay next time).
7. Drinking the Wrong Thing For one TheDailyMeal.com (TDM) editor, the date is instantly over if the guy orders a Cosmo (even worse if he orders one for her). And, if you're dining out at a nice restaurant, forget about ordering a Diet Soda (or asking if refills are free) This appears as being 'cheap'. Read the fine print on the menu.
8. Being Rude to Wait Staff (or tipping poorly) If you're rude to the hardworking person who serves your dinner, how does your date know you won't be rude in other social settings? The same goes with not tipping; Would you rather be doing their job
9/1/11 Happy September Everyone! I like to call September the "LABOR of LOVE" month in observance of Labor Day!!
Here are 15 dating dont's:
1. Quote Oprah more than once. 2. Shortening words that really don’t need to be shortened, like “totes,” “blowie,” and “obvi.” 3. Starting any sentence with the phrase, “Well, my therapist says … “ 4. Ever mentioning your “girl boner.” Trust — guys do not want to think of you with a boner, no matter how cute you think the phrase is. 5. Keeping your Spanx on during a make-out session. Girl, if it gets that far, excuse yourself to the bathroom and discreetly remove said undergarment and stuff it in your purse. 6. Seeing a movie about war criminals, Holocaust survivors, or rape. 7. Eating Mexican food. 8. Saying “Let’s do this again” if you don’t really mean it. 9. Planning anything that lasts more than three hours. (If the first date naturally goes longer, great, but don’t plan for it to). 10. Calling anyone you ever dated “crazy.” 11. Giving more than three compliments. 12. Answering more than two or three questions without asking one in return. 13. Asking more than three questions in a row. 14. Breaking in brand-new shoes. 15. Divulging your insecurities
8/15/2011 DATING POLL
We asked you who should pay first on the first date? A. The Man B. The Woman or C. Go Dutch
Ashley, a MatchBoutique member says she takes her wallet out to pay and waits for the guy to say "I got it." and then she gives him a smile! So, Ashley what happens if the guy doesn't say he's got it?
Check back for her answer!
8/17/11 Kudos to Ashley! She says that she would go ahead and pay, but says that would be their last date! SO, the consensus says that the man should always pay on the first date! Thanks, Davena, Thanks Bill, Thanks Becca and Thank you, Tamara! Now, the only one who said the ladies should pay was Bill! Outvoted, Bill!
MatchBoutique agrees with the ladies! Although we think that it is perfectly acceptable to ask the girl if she would mind if you took care of the expenses for the night or if she would prefer to go dutch....remember that some women (and if you know of one including yourself, let us know) actually PREFER to pay in order to keep "a level playing field".